Conflict and relationships

The way we handle conflict and our feelings affects our relationship with others.  In some cases, when we relate to others, we tend to bury our real feelings, hesitate to express them, or unleash them uncontrollably, and this is called suppressing or censoring our feelings. Healthy relationships do not consist totally of positive feelings.  Other feelings are also important.  Many of us lack the commitment, courage, and skill needed to express our own feelings, when those feelings are not positive-or to allow other people to express their feelings to us.  Many people are reluctant to work their feelings through; instead, they ignore or deny a feeling until it eventually becomes unmanageable.

For example, a time I suppressed or censored my feelings during a conflict was while I was at work.  Something I did created a conflict between me and a co-worker.  I was still new to the company and I was not sure how to fix the problem that I was having with one of the machines, and everything seemed to be going wrong for me that night and I started getting upset and frustrated.  Instead of going to my supervisor to explain the problems I was having and asking for help I decided to suppress or censor my feelings without telling others about the problems I was having I just walked off.  The result of me walking off was not only hurting production but it was also creating conflict between my co-workers and I.  Most businesses probably would have fired me due to my personality conflicts, but instead they gave us the chance to work through our differences and resolve the conflict in a positive manner.   

Our supervisor approached the conflict by calling us into the office to speak to us one-on-one to find out exactly what the problem was.  We spoke with each other about the feelings we were having and ways we can improve our behavior in order to prevent conflict in the future.  The reason I chose to speak up about the feelings I was having is because of the importance of letting others know how you are feeling and tell them about the things that are bothering you so we can prevent conflicts from arising in the future.   If the supervisor would not have approached me I probably would not have said anything and that is not good because when we suppress our feelings we become emotionally isolated or we seek to avoid situations that may require the exchange of feelings.  But becoming emotionally isolated from others can cause problems with relationships.

Handled appropriately, conflict can help each participant involved develop a clear picture of the other person and strengthen a relationship.  Handled poorly, conflict can create schisms, inflict psychological scars, inflame hostilities, and cause lasting resentments.  A conflict free relationship shows that you really have no relationship at all, not that you have a good relationship.  If a relationship is healthy, conflicts will occur regularly.  If a relationship is healthy, conflicts will also be handled effectively.  

This conflict was a low-intensity conflict which the persons involved worked together to discover a solution beneficial to all parties.  In a medium-intensity conflict each person feels committed to win, but winning is seen as sufficient.  No one feels that the opposition must be destroyed.  If conflict is not handled correctly, or there are suppressed or censored feelings the conflict can quickly turn into a high-intensity conflict which one person intends to destroy or at least seriously hurt the other.  It is also important that conflicts are approached in a calm manner by being assertive when we express our feelings and display respect for the thoughts and feelings of others.